It's all gone quiet in my head.

He's got bits of other peoples faces on his. (strange looking man on telly)

He's not the brightest tool in the box.

I feel almost normal.

I look like grandfather christmas or something.

That's a bit close to the button.

I'm on the button today.

I'm as sharp as a button.

Here's your cardigan back, I'm afraid it smells of my draws.

I used to like Tom Cruise but now I like funny looking men.

H: That carabiner might have been up the Troll Wall.  
Stuart: Where's the Troll Wall then? 
S: Holland.

Stuart: They found Mallory's body on Everest apparantly.  They didn't find his camera though.  
S: His camel?

50% of all marred prics (sign made by S, should be '50% of all marked prices')

I went out like a log.

I haven't travelled like you have, I mean you have a foot in every port.

'A foot in every port' went down like a trooper.  (After repeating the above at a dinner party)

It just seems to have got really dark overnight (i.e. winter draws in)

What I said was not a grammatical area.

It's hot and stuffle.

I can remember conversations almost photographically sometimes.

My mood can change at the flip of a hat.

You're as thick as 3 short planks..er no, two.

I'm thinking of having my hair cut.  
S: Shorter?

What is the capital of Iran.  
S: Iraq.

H: What is the scapula commonly called.  
S: Sternum.

I feel like I'm walking on thin eggs.

Some monkeys are never in the same place once.

H: I'm getting fat. (holding belly) 
S: oh, there's loads of room in there (putting hand inside belt) - I could get 3 hands into that.

I'm going to throw myself in with both feet.

Can you close quite park to it?

Crossword moments.
H: (hint) What is it that is greener on the other side of the hill?  
S: Field?

H: Feature of Venice.  
S: Leaning Tower of Piza?

H: 22 across, 'Plain to see' 7 letters
S: Dunno, what is it?
H: 'Obvious'!